A few years ago, I was in a pretty serious car accident. During the aftermath, I became really familiar with a lot of different types of lawyers. I worked with personal injury lawyers, insurance lawyers, and many others. Perhaps the most important, though, was the estate planning lawyer. I was really young, and neither my wife or I had thought about starting a will. But the accident kind of scared us into it. What would happen if one of us were to die? Even when still in the hospital, I was working with the lawyer to draw up a will. Now, I have some peace and security about what the future will be like if something should happen to me. And I have a lot of experience working with various types of lawyers! The accident was kind of a blessing in disguise in that way.
A large percentage of married couples end up divorcing. You probably know someone who is divorced and because you have seen divorce all around, you may think that you know what to expect. However, divorce is much different experienced than it is observed. Here are some things that you should know about getting divorced to keep yourself emotionally healthy.
1. Learn To Get Along With Your Ex
This may sound impossible, but you need to learn how to get along with your ex. Throughout the divorce proceedings there will be a lot of disagreements. It would be ideal if you could resolve differences during the proceeding, seeing that the more amicable you are during this time the quicker the settlement will be and the more money you will save on legal fees. Your attorney will probably advise you to look at the divorce as a business agreement, rather than an emotional agreement. This is because you have to start thinking of your relationship with your ex-spouse no longer as a lover, but as an associate who you will have to communicate with for the rest of your life, especially if you have children. For this reason, figure out a way to have a professional relationship with your ex-spouse so that every time you pick up or drop off the kids it is not a massive explosion.
2. Communicate With Your Kids and Let Them Express Anger
Your children did not have a say in the divorce. In many cases the children feel like victims and may be angry with one or both parents. However, children still love their parents regardless of whose fault it was, so be careful about trying to get children to take your side, or to involve them in the fighting. In fact, you should expect to see your child act out or express anger about the divorce. If you don't communicate with the child and let them fully feel their emotions, the anger will come out in some way. Usually in acting out, but it can happen in other ways too. This is why it is important to see your child as a victim and don't take it personally when they tell you that they are angry with you. Perhaps seeing a therapist or counselor can help them work through these emotions.
And most definitely, do not include children in the custody process. The children should never be used as leverage and shouldn't be asked to make any important legal decisions, it can be emotionally scarring.
By understanding these things you can start on the path to emotional healing.
Share29 December 2016
